I have been asked to post this ,so as a 1 time favor for a domestic violence victim here it is your wish Lyndamac has fixed it for you (Jim will Fix IT !) Maybe I should make Mondays a Lyndamac day for all those women to frightened to come out from gags or confidential hidings inside the Family courts .
Why is it so many of you women won’t blog? but will write to me and send me e-mails to ask me to do it? Still scared?
Portia as you are a good friend and go back to the Mothers For Justice Forum ,and back in the day there were only 2 of us mothers Sarah White & myself who braved coming out and saying we lost custody of our children for nothing in closed court I will give you my post space today.
I will then post it to Women’s Aid for you then time for you, I think it is now time to get a blog I keep telling you this .
Judge and Barristers dance to the tune of abuser in domestic violence case.
Children and Mother continue to be abused by the psychopath legally endorsed by the system in the heart of Suffolk.
In my role as an independent supporter, adviser, and advocate for children and protective parents over the last 15 years, I have encountered and observed many situations of domestic violence and the terrorising of mothers and children by abusive males.
As an example, my most recent case involved a mother with two children and the abject fears, which the abuser brought into their lives. After many years of suffering such violence in all its forms, physical, mental, emotional, sexual and financial, the protective mother was finally able to gather enough strength to escape with her children from the torture and torment of their persecutor and tormentor.
Their sufferings were reminiscent of the 17th Century rather than the 21st Century. How could this be happening in today’s world – yet it is happening every day, in every part of the country, and at all levels of social class in our society, and with alarming and increasing frequency.
But the abuse and torture did not end with their leaving the family home, but continued and increased. The police records show that the mother suffered extreme mental torture whereby the abuser kept telling his victims daily that he had poisoned her with arsenic and warfarin and that he added dirt to her food, that he could shoot her and she would not feel it, that he could murder and walk away. The Police decided to do blood tests and hair analysis on the victim in the hope of putting the woman’s mind at ease and to find out why she ended up in this condition in such a short space of time.
The abused mother had gone from 10 stone to 7 stone, with her teeth all going rotten in the space of a year, causing her to look like an AIDS victim or a druggie. Every order given by this abuser had to be obeyed. The neighbors describe the fear on the children’s faces on seeing their father drive home and run inside. The abused mother had to get permission for every penny spent in the home. As time went by the mother and children were being deprived of more and more essentials and in the end the children stopped asking, as they knew it was a futile exercise. Their dreams of horse riding and playing golf were shattered.
Ultimate control was the order of the day, even when he was working.
Often it took 3 months of asking to be taken to the shops for shoes for the children before the abuser finally went. By then the whole joy had been taken out of it. The children were no longer allowed to play their pianos and compose music in the home. The mother and children were no longer allowed to sing or paint.Every positive thing the mother did for her children was knocked on the head.
The children sank deeper and deeper into despair.
One day, the children conducted a court hearing at home in an effort to show the abuser what he was doing to them and their mother, in the hope that he would change.They had no idea that a psychopath never changes but only becomes worse when he realizes that their victims are awakening to truth.Pictures show the physical abuse of both children.
The mother had become so ill as to be unable to make a cup of tea.
However the abuser smiled as she screamed in pain and he stepped over her, like she did not exist. If she asked for a soft-boiled egg, because of her teeth, he gave a hard-boiled one, in full knowing that she could not eat it. He then called her a pig. Then he slapped her so hard for not eating that she blanked out from the pain. When the mother asked for an explanation, the abuser said it was to teach her a lesson.
The abuser took sadistic pleasure in watching his victims squirm under his total control and only lost his cool when the terminally ill grandfather of 80 years came in for a week to help out.
That week the mother gained her strength and the children experienced the joys of working and learning from their grandfather.
This act of human kindness sparked the planned exit from the abuser.
The gaunt appearance of the abused mother led most of the professionals to form the wrong opinion of her. The crocodile tears of the abuser worked, leading people to pity him. Inside he was laughing at all of them, as he was succeeding in dividing and destroying the victim’s entire family. The abuser’s ring of destruction has widened and is widening by the day. The system is allowing him to do so.
He is fully aware of what he does, mesmerizing family members and professionals alike, as he entraps all of them in his web The abuser has now managed to worm his way into getting a family member to hold the children hostage and not allow them to see their mother. The children are being used to send messages to their distraught mother that their father is going to buy some arsenic and warfarin and 2 body bags the following day. This is child abuse in itself and continued mental abuse of the mother. Text messages sent in the middle of the night, stating the children are being moved again and the mother will never see them again. One of the children has already ended up in hospital through neglect and no one in the system informed the mother, furthering her anguish.
The dominant male abuser has all around dancing to his tune only. His aim is to have his victim committed, so he can get her house and bring in another woman. After all, he has sucked the living life out of this wife and needs fresh meat to feed on. The abuser even managed to get the GP to force the mother to undergo psychiatric assessments.
A court hearing took place the other day and the abuser applied for occupation of the family home and residence of the children. It is not classified as a domestic abuse case, despite the fact that an advocate from the IDVA being present, photos of bruises on the mother and children being in the hands of the barrister. The judge, barristers etc were clueless and running around trying to do deals, so they could scurry off home. No one listened to the weak voice of the abused, but they all danced to the tune of the bully.So, when the abuser said the first psychiatric assessment of the victim was a fake, the judge ordered another one, but failed to make an order for the abuser to have one, showing clear discrimination of the female victim.
The victim said she felt totally violated and abused by the Judge and legal professionals. All were pushing her to agree to the demands of the abuser.
One would have expected the children to be a priority in this case too, but sadly, the court- in its wisdom has ordered the children to remain hostages in a strange house, stripped of all their own possessions, pianos, computers, books, etc, as these children are home schooled and about 5 years ahead of their peers in state schooling.
In typical patriarchal fashion, the children must obey the abuser for a further 6 weeks and loose out on their education at home. There was not once ounce of human kindness in that courtroom towards the victim, except from the advocate.
The victim was a nuisance to them and they just wanted rid of her. Her weakness and frailty was held against her. The trauma caused to the children and mother by this experience is enormous, but the men and women of the court are clearly ignorant of this or are deliberately condoning it and colluding with a criminal.
The victims are mere numbers, pawns in a chess game and of course as long as the abuser is on the board, the game continues and money is made.
Meanwhile the vultures circle their prey, weak from abuse, in the hope of finishing them off.
This case shows beyond a shadow of a doubt that protective parents and their children are being punished by this patriarchal system for daring to break free of violence and abuse. The system as it is, keeps the protective parent enslaved through the use of children. The only professional to see past the façade is the lady trained in domestic abuse.
In the media it speaks of all the agencies rallying around to help victims of domestic abuse, but 6 weeks down the line and the only agency in sight is an independent domestic violence agency.
Clearly it is a trap to ensnare the protective parents and their children.55% of domestic abuse victims looses their children to forced adoption in the UK.This shows that protective parents and children are being punished for doing the right thing in trying to free themselves from abuse and violence.
The professionals need proper training so they can understand all the dynamics involved in domestic abuse. The professionals need to learn from the survivors. However, most professionals believe themselves to know it all and feel that to speak to survivors is somehow lowering themselves. The truth on domestic abuse is rarely to be found in books. It is to be found though in talking to those who have lived through the abuse and survived.
The next time some professional reprimands a victim of domestic abuse for not coming forward sooner, hopefully, you the reader will have a better understanding of why.
Portia.
